As Good As Dead - Chapter 39

Killing all those bat people put me in a much better mood. I wasn’t sure if it was because they were an excellent outlet for my emotional buildup of negative energy. Or that the mind appreciates a problem it can solve, as opposed to the general anxiety of my earlier existential crisis. After all, feeling powerless was never fun.

Murder therapy. The only type I may not have tried before now.

“Well, Handrew Jackson, this is your moment,” I said, looking down at my faithful assistant.

Both of us sat in the decrepit temple hallway, me cross-legged and it, kneeling before me in a fist-bow. A light covering of dust coated us both.

The continued smell of fried bat roasting in the air was a distraction I did my best to put aside for the moment. There was a concerningly curious part of me that wondered if I could still eat and digest food. Movies had always claimed that zombies could. And who doesn’t love Kentucky Fried Bat?

But before that, I had a sacred duty. I took a deep breath and put on a serious face.

“I do hereby knight thee into the sacred order of Palmadins. May you be the fist of my justice, never shirking your duty by pointing the finger at another. I dub thee Sir Galahand, knight of the realm and my right hand, now and forevermore.” I proclaimed. With my necklace of finger bones, I tapped its thumb, then went over its knuckles to tap the pinky on the other side. The third and final tap was on the knuckle of the middle finger, which I found completely appropriate.

Then I cast Name a Champion.

A cue from the codex pulled me inward.

Please choose three active traits or level advantages to share with your chosen minion.

Whoa! This is going to be awesome!

I pulled up my updated character sheet to get an idea of how to proceed.

Name: Oran Farrow

Race: Undead

Level: 5

Tier: Zombie Infiltrator – II

Level Advantages:

• Rigor Mortis – you can selectively use your stiffening limbs to achieve a death grip or relax it to increase motor function.

• Enhanced Agility – you move at the apex of human speed.

• Necrotic Fortitude – your body becomes much more difficult to injure.

• Hide – as long as you remain motionless in sufficient darkness, you are invisible.

• Aura of Life – from a distance you appear living and will fool most basic‌ undead detection spells and wards.

Tier Traits:

• Halted Decay – significantly reduces your rate of decay.

• Verminbane – you emit an aura that repels non-magical vermin.

• Poisonous Gas – your stomach builds up a toxic gas that you can expel once a day.

• Skulking Lurcher – your feet make no noise when you move.

• Masking Smell – you block the scent of yourself and nearby undead, making it easier to surprise the living.

• Hardy Bones – your skeletal structure is infused with death mana, making it harder to injure.

• Ambush Predator – attacking an enemy that isn’t expecting it will send out a burst of necrotic energy, enhancing your damage.

• Hear Heartbeat – a pounding heartbeat is like a whistle to you. Your range increases the more afraid the person is.

• Mimic – you can speak phrases and mimic voices you knew in life.

Spells:

• Level 1: Sense Undead – extend your sense to locate undead near you.

• Level 2: Reanimate Hand – reanimate the hand of a corpse to assist you.

• Level 3: Degenerating Touch – you disrupt the mana flows of a creature, weakening its physical strength for a short time.

• Level 3: Famine – you cause food and plants to spoil in an area.

• Level 4: Create Skeleton – once per day you can create a skeletal servant. You can have one servant per level, and they will increase in strength as you gain power.

• Level 4: Control Undead – Undead more than two levels below you will obey your commands. Any undead lower than you will not attack you.

• Level 5: Name a Champion: A single minion under your control finds its abilities permanently increased. May evolve to develop new abilities. Cannot be reused until the minion is destroyed.

Blessings:

Necrometry – you can now sense and use skills from the bones of the dead.

Going through the list, I knew that one slot I had to use would be for Enhanced Agility. My little minion was already quick, and I was ecstatic to see how much faster it would be with this upgrade. Further, increased speed was both an offense and a defense selection, allowing it to strike and escape in equal measure.

With one “for sure” talent picked, I moved on to the ones I knew I wouldn’t or couldn’t take. Poisonous Gas, Hear Heartbeat, and Mimic were all unavailable for selection. Not even magic could overcome a lack of anatomy, apparently. Next, I ruled out Halted Decay, since the ghoul hand seemed to possess that already to a degree. Finally, I mentally removed Rigor Mortis, Skulking Lurcher, Aura of Life, Verminbane, and Masking Smell because they simply weren’t valuable enough to waste a buff on. As long as Galahand remained near me, it would get the benefits of the three auras. Rigor Mortis and Skulking Lurcher weren’t as good as the remaining choices. The hand wasn’t that noisy to begin with, only making a light clicking sound to my superior hearing. And Galahand already had a death grip.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

For the selections that were left, I saw two strategies. Either I could lean in to pushing for defense through Hardy Bones and Necrotic Fortitude. Or, I could try to push a sneak attack build with Hide and Ambush Predator.

The little hand had been steadily growing stronger every level along with me. When I first created it, dragging things like a lightweight rope was a struggle. But since then, pushing closed gates and tearing skin apart wasn’t much of a problem. If I were to put one of my enchanted gloves on my minion and beef up its defense, it might become an actual threat in combat. Especially against the living, where the paralytic would work.

On the other hand, the wee guy begged for stealth work. Being able to crawl along walls and ceilings was an advantage that was hard to ignore. Further, having seen what Ambush Predator did to the batman, I knew the ability would exponentially increase the damage factor of my pet. The only real drawback was that we could both only use the attack once.

What settled the debate for me was that I knew the two defensive traits would make my champion heavier, like they’d done to me. Maybe even too heavy to crawl upside down. I was afraid that the increased weight would offset all the gains it had made in strength, making it a tough but unthreatening opponent.

I chose Hide and Ambush Predator.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw the black veins along the corpse-white skin pulsing like writhing worms. The hand rolled onto its back and curled its fingers like a dead spider. A pulse of mana expanded through my minion, and its knuckles and joints popped. Then, the skin and bones started stretching outward, slowly lengthening the size of my companion. By the time the transformation was done, my new minion looked like the guy the Hamburger Helper’s wife told him not to worry about.

Sharp spiked knuckles poked out of its skin, and each finger was about twice as long as they had been. The already too long ghoul nails had extended, ‌looking more like pocket knives than claws. SIr Galahand was now closer to a small dog than a large hand.

I’m going to have to swap out your black bow for a chain collar!

With the promotion ceremony done, I went digging through the remains of the flaming bat people. The fire had ruined most of their stuff, save the girl one I’d stabbed in the neck. Her thinner fur likely hadn’t been as flammable, or the blood spilling out of her carotid arteries doused it. Maybe both.

She had nothing but junk. It was all primitive crap you might expect to find from people living in a cave. Poorly stitched hide armor, tools of bone and a pouch of herbs they probably used for bunions or genital warts. A bag of dried insects.

I ate a bug just to see what would happen. The enticing smell from these cooked creatures made me consider that my recent level developments might have increased my sense of taste. However, like my first time testing my ability to taste as a shambling corpse, I got nothing. Because the bugs were truly tasteless or my sense hadn’t developed, the result was inconclusive. Undeterred, I moved on to another morsel. I stuck a finger in her neck hole, then licked the blood off.

I hope the people up there know about social distancing, because I’m about to kick off a fresh wave of Rona.

An explosion of succulent flavor melted on my tongue, reminding me of that wonderful grease that comes off of a steak. Despite the astonishing taste, I refrained from trying it a second time. Mostly because I thought it was reprehensible to eat sentient beings. If I’d wanted to do that, I’d have been a prancing vampire.

Well, at least the extraordinary flavor explained why they smelled so good cooking. The real question was whether I’d find other types of people tasty or just this kind. Thinking back to the other humans I’d killed, there was no such compulsion to try a nibble. So, I hoped that this subterranean race was a one off. I guessed they were rare, given that Oran’s memories supplied no name to their species.

I didn’t bother looting the rest of the corpses, other than to pick up two spears. They’d crafted the weapons out of a material that reminded me of obsidian, and wrapped the middle portions in a soft hide. Each spear was about four feet long. I strapped them to my back, then walked back to the roof of the ziggurat.

The way I saw my situation was that I had four options for the immediate future.

I could go back down and follow Mizrah down that pit. That was an easy no. No way did I want to break my legs or see that parasite again.

Door number two was that I just hung out here in the Necropolis. There were a bunch of activities I still wanted to try down here. From surfing down the ziggurat to trying Crypt parkour. The reason I didn’t jump at the chance to do those patently majestic activities was because I had enemies wandering around. More specifically, an eight foot tall skeletal knight with an axe to grind. Or Khopesh. Whatever.

Nevermind that more of the bats could pour through the roof at any moment.

Next up was that I headed out of the necropolis from a different entrance than I’d entered. I could only see one, and it had the same type of gate. Not knowing if I could even open it from the inside was, ultimately, irrelevant, I decided. Because I knew that the Ossuary of Thalzaxor would soon fill up with reanimated cat haters who they’d tossed down the pit.

And though that punishment was just, I didn’t know how they would react to my presence. Other undead either ignored me completely or savagely attacked me so far, with no in-between. The sheer staggering number and variety of the oncoming horde was too risky for me to try blending in.

Which left option number four. I go up the rope and probably end up having to slaughter a village of endangered bat people.

It was a good thing they attacked me first!