Magic Murder Cube Marine - Chapter 48: In-laws and Outlaws

As the riders approached, Mac became uncharacteristically quiet. The demonic cat sat down on the ground next to Francis and let out a low groan.

“Not a big fan of paladins?” The Marine asked.

“Not these ones,” Mac replied, “If anyone asks, I’m your familiar.”

Francis scratched his head and did his best to look confused. But inside, he was grinning. “So, you’ll act as my familiar if I tell the paladins you are my familiar?” he asked.

“Yes.” The demon hissed.

“Deal,” the Marine said before he turned and called out to the paladins. “Howdy! I’m Francis! And this is my familiar!”

Mac’s eyes went wide with surprise as the demon got a system alert. “Oh, you clever bastard.”

A blue box appeared in front of Francis.

Magic surged through Francis as the buff from accepting Mac as his Familiar pushed the Marine’s Arcane skill all the way to eighteen. His hair stood on end and an incredible sense of being one with the universe invaded his mind.

“Oh hell no! Not again!” Francis called out as he summoned Relativity to ground him. As he gripped the staff, the Marine tried to think unhappy thoughts and drown out the approaching wave of cosmic understanding.

“NJPs, brass with bright ideas, Humvees on the freeway.” The Marine chanted, trying to chase away the sense of nirvana.

The approaching paladins stopped ten meters short and watched as Francis began to unwillingly levitate. Green light radiated from his body and formed into creeping tendrils.

Mac batted at the ghostly tentacles with his paws, cackling with laughter. “Yes! Embrace the strange geometry of the universe!” The demon called out, its plans of keeping a low profile all but forgotten. “Become one with everything! EVERYTHING!”

Brick raised his hand. “But, like… why?”

Francis’ upward ascension paused. “Why what?” He asked, focusing his attention on the dense young man.

“Why anything?” Brick said with a shrug.

The Marine felt his feet touch the ground again and the writhing mass of green necrotic energy began to dissipate. It was hard to contemplate the mysteries of the universe while someone like Brick was around. His mind was a black hole no thought could escape. (Not unscathed, at least.)

A heavyset paladin with graying blond hair and a matching beard called out to them. Francis guessed that was Julia’s father. “If you are quite done going super Saiyan, I would like to parlay with you!”

Francis took a second to grasp the significance of what he had just heard. “Was that a Dragon Ball Z reference?” He shouted back.

“Yes!” Responded the paladin, nodding enthusiastically. “I’m originally from Emeryville!”

The Marine felt his hackles raise. “Emeryville?”

“Yeah, in California!” The paladin called out happily. “But I’ve been here for nearly fifty years! Where are you from?”

Normally, Francis would have taken that as proof that the paladins were as evil as Julia said they were, and ended them on the spot. But as someone with a large amount of land, he had other considerations. “I’m from Texas! Is it true you folks can drive up rent and housing prices, just by saying that you might be interested in moving there?”

“Unfortunately!” The man laughed.

“Great!” Francis responded, pretending to be pleasant even though he trusted the man about as much as a Wiffle condom. “How soon can you start?”

***

Francis updated Willow on the current situation and continued to buy time for everyone to sober up. Apparently there was magic that could speed up the process, and it was just as unpleasant as it sounded.

The tall man Francis was speaking to introduced himself as Asher. His wife Karen, who went by “Kiki”, also wore full plate and was equally imposing. Francis didn’t bother learning the names of the other eight men and women riding behind them. There was no reason to risk getting attached.

Something seemed off about the two paladins (besides the fact Asher was from California), but Francis couldn’t put a finger on it. They were pleasant enough, and had shown no signs of hostility. He walked ahead of the group and chatted with them while Cassi, Brick, and Jack lagged behind alongside the retainers. Brexis’ magical street lights were already coming on, and the sun was about ready to set.

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“So, about the whole arranged marriage thing.” The Marine didn’t see any point of dancing around the elephant in the room. “What’s the story there?”

Asher made a pained expression. “Ah, I was hoping you wouldn’t bring that up. But I suppose what’s done, is done.” The paladin sighed. “Julia is my greatest treasure, and the wording of the pact Kiki and I made, required that we give up our greatest treasure by a certain date.”

“Go on.”

Kiki took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Francis had seen Julia do the same thing whenever she had something unpleasant to say. “Look, it was the least worst option. We weren’t about to sacrifice her, and we couldn’t go back on the deal. So, marriage was the solution we came up with.”

“You were going to marry your daughter off to a demon?”

“Yes. Because if we didn’t, they would take all of our souls, including hers.” Asher grimaced. “To be fair, I never thought I would particularly like having children. And I assumed I would have to give up my sword or something.”

Francis looked at Mac. “Yeah, I hear demonic deals can be a real bitch if you aren’t careful with the wording.”

The cat shot him a death glare, but not a literal one (that would break their agreement). After the initial excitement, Mac had once again gone quiet.

Francis found that incredibly suspicious. “You know, Asher. I have some experience with demons, which one did you make a deal with?”

“Well, we had a few different options. But in the end, we went with Lucipur. They offered the most power up front.” Asher explained.

“You don’t say. And what happened when they found out the marriage was off?” The Marine kept an eye out for Mac’s reaction.

“We got a very nasty letter saying that Lucipur had found out through a friend that the wedding was not going to proceed as planned. And they had gone to Brexis to deal with the god who was causing all the trouble and claim what was promised,” Asher said.

Kiki cut in. “Not that you don’t seem capable, Francis. But Lucipur is a very powerful demon. We figured you could use the help.”

Mac, or rather Lucipur, looked like it had swallowed a lemon. The demon almost said something, but seemed to think better of it.

Francis wasn’t sure if he bought this loving parent routine. It painted Asher and Kiki in a suspiciously favorable light. They were almost at the palace, and he needed to reach a decision soon about what to do with them.

The Marine decided to rattle them a bit and see what happened. “Well, it was nice of you to come. But I already talked to the demon in question and smoothed things over.”

Asher and Kiki stared at Francis in shock. Not in relief, but in surprise and dismay. They looked like two con artists that had just been found out. Asher tried to regain his composure and look nonchalant. “What did they say?”

“Oh, you know Lucipur. They wouldn’t leave until we made a deal. Lucipur really likes making deals.” Francis looked down at the demon. “Hey Mac, you can speak. Tell me, what did Lucipur’s letter say exactly?”

Mac stopped, bringing everyone to a halt. “Well, Francis. The letter contained an offer. Sacrifice Julia to me by sundown, or forfeit the deal and lose all their power.”

“You son of a bitch!” Kiki screamed as she pulled her sword from its sheath. Francis thought she was going after him, but instead the woman only had eyes for her husband. “You told me we were coming to save her!”

Asher managed to turn his mount to the side and deflect the blow off his shield. Which was unfortunate, because that meant Francis had a clear shot at his back.

The Marine raised Relativity and thrust it like a spear at the base of the Paladin’s neck. “Asher, you’re a rotten bastard,” Francis said as he cast Hint of Rot, pumping over a thousand MP into the spell, “It’s time everyone saw that for themselves.”

The paladin’s flesh turned black where the staff made contact. Accelerated fungal and bacterial growth rotted away his skin, revealing the bones beneath. Within seconds the corruption had spread to cover Asher’s entire body. He gasped and wheezed until Kiki put him out of his misery with a quick thrust to the eye.

Francis looked back at the eight possible combatants behind him. They didn’t seem to have much inclination to fight. One was vomiting profusely, and the others were making a very big point of keeping their hands away from any weapons.

The woman spit on her husband’s corpse and dismounted. She stood in front of Mac with her sword still drawn. “Asher was the love of my life. I don’t know what game you are playing at, Lucipur. But the sun is about to set. So accept my offering and consider our business concluded, or I swear on the dead gods I will find a way to make you pay for the pain you brought my family.”

The demon looked at her with amusement. “Pain I brought? No, no, no.” Mac shook its head. “I wanted to take Asher’s sword as payment, but when he offered me his daughter instead… how could I refuse?”

Kiki clenched her jaw. “So take it, or leave empty handed.”

Mac weighed its options. “Fine. I suppose between murdering your husband and giving me his sword, that would qualify as adequate payment for services rendered. But…”

She cocked an eyebrow. “But what?”

The demonic cat grinned. “It’s already sunset.”