Soul Guardian - Chapter 49: Speaking in Tongues

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Maharet asked nervously as they sat at the kitchen table. Six was off at the bookstore so they had the whole house to themselves.

“It’s time to make a decision. Holding off any longer isn’t fair to Six. I’ve decided to stay for the next ten years.” Bael tapped his finger on a parchment envelope sealed with red wax. Inside was the paperwork for his vacation, which he had already approved. (Of course Bael had berated himself about taking time off during the busiest part of the century, leaving hell short handed, and the other million problems his absence would cause. But in the end he relented and signed the form.)

By a mysterious quirk of bureaucracy, Bael could approve his own time off. Normally a Baron couldn’t do that. But over the millennia Bael had taken on so many different responsibilities that there wasn’t much he couldn’t do when paperwork was involved. Bael made a mental note to give himself a raise, then dismissed the notion, he wasn’t made of money.

“How do you have that many days off saved?” Maharet asked. “I only get two weeks off per year and they expire in March.”

“Did you fill out request form 666-867-5309A? You can save days for a future vacation if you plan in advance. It says so in the employee handbook.” Bael summoned the tome in question. It was bound in human skin with gold lettering across the front.

“Wait, you planned this vacation of yours in advance?” Maharet zeroed in on that particular tidbit.

“Of course not. My planned vacation is two million years from now. But there’s nothing stopping me from using the accumulated days for something else. It says so in the handbook. You have read your employee handbook, haven’t you? I believe you signed some documents stating that you read, understood, and would follow the guidelines inside as part of your onboarding process.” Bael grinned.

“Of course.” Maharet lied. Nobody actually read an employee handbook. “Unfortunately I misplaced my copy.”

“What a shame. It is incredibly useful. Here, take mine. You never know when you’re going to need it.” Bael handed the book over and sighed. It was time to get serious.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

“I suppose the hard part is what comes next. I’m not trying to give ultimatums or force you to stay with me. Do what is best for you. I would never forgive myself if I abandoned Six so I’m going to stay. Of course I would feel better if there was someone with me to help.”

“Oh, the great Bael-Sharoth needs my help?” She teased.

“Absolutely! Six is terrifying now, imagine when she becomes a teenager!”

Maharet winced. “Ooh, on second thought you’re on your own.”

“Perhaps I could bribe you?” Bael waggled his eyebrows at her and smiled. “I’m sure I can find a way to make your time here worthwhile.”

“Are you suggesting that I would stay simply because of your sexual prowess? How typical.”

In response Bael leaned forward and extended his tongue. It began to stretch and elongate until it was twice as long as normal. He gave it a few wiggles then picked up a pen and began to write his name in cursive. He sat back and smiled. The ball was in her court. He didn’t think something like this would really change her mind one way or the other. But he liked Maharet and didn’t want to lose her. He could see them having a life together.

She looked at Bael with a mix of shock, disgust, and sexual curiosity. Her brain still saw this situation as the perfect opportunity to break things off with no hard feelings. But her heart and other parts of her anatomy had it outvoted. Of course, she knew better than to take the first offer. “Ok, that’s impressive but what else can it do?”

Bael opened his mouth and there was a soft buzzing sound as his tongue extended again. The buzzing began to turn into a slow rhythmic pulse.

Her eyes went wide. “Wait… it vibrates too? Why does it vibrate?” Maharet wasn’t complaining, but it was still a surprise. A very welcome surprise. It was like finding a second layer of chocolates in a candy box.

Bael cleared his throat. He usually didn’t show his tongue tricks to anyone because it made him incredibly self conscious. “I was one of the first demons Lucy made. She hated humans and wanted to improve on God’s designs. So yes, it vibrates, which is a bit weird. She left out that feature on future designs.” He rubbed his nose. “It definitely tickles too.”

“Does it now?” Maharet asked as she sat down in her husband’s lap.

Bael buzzed the tip of her ear lobe in response. She squealed and tried to get away but he held her tight. After a few moments of tickle torture and play fighting it devolved into something much more fun.

An indeterminate amount of time later they were laying on the kitchen floor covered in sweat. The ghost had hidden in the cookie jar he now called home when he realized what they were up to. Apparently some things could even make a ghost blush.

She blew a smoke ring at Bael. He closed his eyes like he was expecting a kiss and let it wash over him. He looked back at her, the golden flakes in his eyes catching the light. “You know, Bael. As inconvenient as it is for me, I think I really love you. Don’t go breaking my heart, ok?”

“Ok.” Bael said, “I love you too.”