Soul Guardian - Chapter 54: Enemy Theology
“So that’s it? That’s all you want?” Zephyr looked at Bael with distrust. “You threatened me over adoption papers?”
“Yes.” The Baron examined the contracts. “You can understand my caution. The first time I asked for your help, you tried to trap Maharet and prevent Six from being adopted.”
“Yeah, that was not my best moment.” The angel couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Why was Bael doing this? Why did he care for this child so much? “I don’t get it. Why are you helping her?”
Bael shrugged. “Who knows? I am going with my gut and doing the best I can. But I’m a demon, so none of this comes naturally to me. I have an inkling that your boss may have brought Six and I together for a reason.”
“Wait… really?” Zephyr frowned. “You think God is guiding you? But you’re a demon.”
“I don’t understand it either. But there’s the kind of fate you fight, and the kind of fate you make. I won’t know how I feel about it until I see the end result. In the meantime, I will continue to love and care for her, as best I can. Because, what is the alternative? Be angry and fight it? Be terrible to her?” He shook his head. “No, she doesn’t deserve to suffer. She has been through enough.”
“But don’t you hate God?”
“Sometimes.” Bael admitted. “Don’t you?”
Zephyr chose not to answer that. His feelings on the subject were complex. Angels were made to love and serve God. Admitting to anything less felt like falling.
Bael placed the adoption papers in his bag. He could guess what Zephyr was thinking. Similar thoughts had crossed his mind more than once. Demons were created beings too. But at least he didn’t have to pretend to like it.
A moment came and went. Angels had an unspoken rule never to talk about their doubts, to pretend that everything was fine. But he was already working with a demon against his fellow angels. What more harm could a simple question do?
“We were made to serve and as soon as we question it we are cast aside. We fall. But demons, you are stuck in hell forever. Fighting a losing war.”
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Zephyr frowned. “The other demons pretend they can win, but you don’t. You know it is all pointless. How do you keep going, knowing that nothing you do matters?”
“Ah, those are two different questions.” Bael said, falling back on his time with the Jesuits. He disliked Zephyr, but he didn’t hate him. And now that he had what he needed, the angel no longer held any power over him or his family. Once the paperwork was signed and filed they were done. So why not be kind to his former enemy? He could always be cruel later.
“Nothing we do matters on the cosmic scale. God will make his plans for us and we will act them out. But on a personal level, they matter. How I treat Six matters to me, and to her. The children you save matter to you. God can’t take that from us.”
As Bael spoke he realized he was talking to himself as much as Zephyr. “The game is rigged. All we can do is play the hands he deals us. I’m realizing as I get older that the only freedom I have, is how I feel about it.”
He shrugged. “Maybe I’m just a demon dancing on a string towards my inevitable destruction. A puppet in a play that will disappear when my stage time is up. Either way, what option do I have but to lean into it?”
“Shit. You’re right.” Zephyr admitted. He hadn’t expected to get a real answer. Much less one that he agreed with.
Bael got up and headed for the door. But he stopped as a thought struck him. “Look, you were a piece of shit. But maybe you don’t have to be one forever. If damned souls can change and escape hell, maybe we can too, at least for a little while.”
He paused. “But I can’t forgive you because I’m not the person you wronged. So maybe apologizing to Maharet might be a good first step to figuring your situation out.”
“Are you trying to corrupt or save me?” Zephyr asked. “Because I honestly can’t tell.”
Bael smiled, but didn’t answer. He would let the angel come to his own conclusions.
