There is no Epic Loot here, Only Puns. - 212: Insane People

he wind felt fresh on her avatar’s skin as water lapped at her now bare ankles. Even the false sun above felt pleasant on her skin. It was a little slice of paradise and Delta hummed as she made two small dinghies that would be waiting for the first group to reach the level. She didn’t want all the visitors to take the same path; if she let them explore and find a few orbs independently then cooperation would come easier.

After all, working together and prospering was the innate reaction when another party had something you wanted really badly, right? She was no history teacher. Delta ran her hand over the boats, watching beautiful flowing carvings of vines blooming stars instead of flowers slowly spread across the outer hull, finishing in a drooping arch at the front.

It wasn’t exactly her own work but Delta didn’t mind a hand with the small details to make things look nice. She was also pointedly ignoring the malformed washtub with crooked spindly handles haunting the ocean just out of her sight from her first attempt by herself without system guidance.

‘Spooky tub can’t hurt me, spooky tub isn’t real’ she said as a mantra as she went to work on another island. Having barely just half of the desired islands was okay as a new floor but it wasn’t the stage Delta wanted to welcome people with. Delta wanted the fourth floor to arrive with bombastic grandiose superstar ultra passion!

Not one single iota less.

No one had technically gotten past Jellagon and had the mana resistance to arrive on the fourth floor proper but it was going to happen soon. People weren’t stagnate, even if they didn’t fight to the death in her Dungeon, their seeds (now 100% Dungeon replaced) were still growing from exposure and challenging their ideas as adventurers.

Those who struggled on the first floor were already beginning to show signs of unconsciously avoiding sign pop-outs or knowing to turn one way to get to the grove rather than left to the storage room. There were signs of adapting to Fran as a fighter with their skill, not just sheer power. It wasn’t like this scared her, Delta definitely had the power to mess with the first floor but that wasn’t something she wasn’t to do.

Partially it was a Dungeon thing, the idea of going back instead of forward still eating at her, but it was also a teacher thing. You didn’t suddenly bust out the college exam papers when the kids just started making good progress on the basic essay styles and two-page reports with two images allowed (but she drew the line at anything about size 18 point font).

It just didn’t foster the environment Delta wanted as her legacy.

She’d change things up as a surprise or a challenge, not as a punishment.

It didn’t even upset her monsters or their pride. It wasn’t like anyone had actually faced the ‘ugly’ side of the Floors. Delta still had the ability to make all her monsters able to go all out in ways that would make people never come back, and likely traumatize them in the process.

Maestro was just one of many examples.

Wyin with no limits on the level of violence she could inflict was another.

She hummed as she called on Prim with a mental prod, getting a grunt from behind the ‘door’ of Prim’s space, while holding Ophiuchus like a warm scarf around her shoulders.

“What is next on the grand star island to-do list?” she asked and Prim took a moment to pause her game reluctantly.

“G-Goat island?” she offered and Delta nodded, a little happy that the horned head was recognisable by the super intelligent system. It was a debate on which side of the team that statement complimented.

“This island is pretty simple, people of the goat tend to go one way or another,” Delta explained brightly as she landed on the island with a hum. She would have to make up a few ideas and stunts before the system would be able to get what she was going for.

The first trial came to her instantly. Nothing could ever go wrong with a classic!

She made a part of the island rise up, soil and rock shifting until a massive hill formed with a deceptively smooth incline. At the bottom Delta created a solid ball of stone that sat nicely in the slight mound.

“Since this is you, I doubt this is about getting one adventurer to crush another with clever timing and talents at trajectories. Someone has to push the boulder up the hill?” Prim asked as Ophi stuck his tongue out in intrigue.

“Yes, but for once, we’re leaning towards the mean side,” Delta admitted and Prim perked up with excitement.

“It explodes? Does it have hidden spikes? It absorbs anyone who touches for prolonged times and their faces of agony appear on the surface?!” Prim asked impatiently and Delta tried not to flinch at her ideas of trials.

“No, the boulder will always get away from them or escape their grip and roll back down, endlessly,” she said and Prim mulled it over for sometime.

“Infinite growing despair, I actually approve,” she decided.

“Right? Goat people tend to become pessimistic very fast and expect others to try as hard as they do, so the whole island is going to have trials where its either impossible on the surface or team trials that have one side having to do much harder work than the other subtly,” she explained and Prim was sending her a serious ponderous look.

“That’s almost something I would do,” she mused and Delta didn’t enjoy that comment on any level. She focused and got to work. In theory, this island shared a lot of traits with Bull island in the fact the challenges were meant to get under the person’s skin over time. She went on to make similar trials involving near impossible tasks like filling a bathtub with just a bucket but one side drained water magically when no one was really looking. Another involved two people pumping a machine but one person would always find their side much heavier, even if they switched sides.

It was simply by talking and expressing their growing problem the whole island could be defeated! Healthy communication was key and Delta had no doubt people had it in spades.

Delta stepped back and clapped her hands, bringing up the menu for the island.

Would you like to combine and bring forth the ‘Sea Goat Island’?

Delta confirmed the section, watching the island become overgrown with knee high grass, making walking about even more annoying combined with small dips in the land that would make people stumble if they rushed along with a series of buzzing insects to get into people’s faces.

It was an island made to wear down and make people want to just leave out of sheer pessimism.

Sea Goat Island: The isle of sorrow

The Sea Goat Orb has been placed in a protected cage in the middle of the island that constantly teases the adventurers, looking always just out of reach as they do tasks. This cage is not indestructible but is extremely tough based on experiences the adventurer has faced so far.

Delta leaned back and began floating as she filtered out the general ideas submitted by Nu and Prim. The usual ideas of ‘some’ traps actually killed people, some crushed them on a soulful level, and the flies had a mild case of diseases that would cause fever and flaky dry skin that itched horribly, and their organs to melt through different orifices.

Minor stuff.

At this point they were just seeing who could get the most ridiculous idea into the suggestion box first. Prim’s were mostly about firearms and said firearms glued to 12 foot tall red demons.

Delta didn’t want to culturally upset Ruli so she didn’t consider them at all.

In the end she was left with a screen that made her smile.

Sea Goat Island: The Isle of Sorrow

Bonus: Doing extra well on impossible tasks such as having fun, singing songs, making games out of it, and looking for bright sides, earns tickets to spend on Bull Island.

Delta looked over at the slightly self-absorbed goat woman lounging on a rock slightly out from the island as she turned a shard of ice over that she made by sucking the heat out of water to magnify the proportions of a crab that wandered too close. Sirsea hummed as she put a little seaweed hat on the crab and giggled at the image it made.

“Someone is going to ruin her perfect shot one day and I won’t even blame her for what happens after,” Delta told Prim who merely watched the guardian frolic without a care. The Pie-Rats in the distance sailed past and Sirsea blew them a kiss, making them nearly smash into the Water Bearer’s island.

“She doesn’t seem as deep or complex as your other creations,” Prim noticed and Delta nodded as she crossed her arms.

“I’m trying to limit my ‘influence’ over them and seeing if it helps them define their shape easier. I’ve been wondering if they’re too close to me to explore who they are if left alone like Giant. So, I’m being a little less of a helicopter parent,” she explained and Prim thought this over.

“An argument could be made that you ’cause’ shapes to form due to being insanely you,” she pointed out.

“We’ll find out. Turns out the science of the soul and how people develop isn’t as simple as opening their menu and spending points,” she joked and Prim nodded her screen.

“A shame,” she said, not joking.

Delta did a few minor adjustments so the island didn’t look like a trailer park that drifted off from the mainland. Trailer parks deserved their proper place and next to water was just asking for rust problems. She was just turning to her next island when she felt Nu being ejected from the first floor which was interesting because it indicated someone had entered on an important dimension of the first floor, which Delta had somewhat been keeping open for people she was closer with than others.

Nu appeared at her side and Delta blinked as he seemed to be flickering with something akin to horrified amusement.

“Insane people have come to the Dungeon,” he reported with a sort of frantic energy.

“Nu, all the recent adventurers have been insane, it’s fine,” she said bluntly and Nu blinked faster, indicating near hysteria.

“We know these crazy people,” he said and Delta leaned back in surprise at Nu’s statement.

Insane people…

There was Yattina, but she was more scientifically curious. Ruli? That wasn’t right, Ruli didn’t do dungeon delves proper, she just came for nachos and beer or to fish. Was it Fairplay again? No they were creatively dead inside and wouldn’t be caught being something as interesting as ‘crazy’.

Delta looked skyward and vanished to look for herself.

She appeared at the entrance hall and came to an abrupt stop as a superhero team in colorful spandex lined up in a dramatic fashion.

“-so any merch made due to this belongs to the Durence Guildhall,” Grim said from a deep green spandex suit that was covered in protective plating and sponsorship stickers?

‘Cheese and Geez: Haldi’s market’

‘Fine and Fineries: Smalls and Crams’

“What on Earth…” Delta stared, unable to get her jaw to close as Kemy took a step forward in her pink version which was bare of any stickers but it looked like from the inside, a golden aura was rising up like a potent body odor that was desperate to escape. Kemy tried to speak but she was completely muffled by the golden divine mist.

“Kemy, vent your godly fumes before you choke,” Grim ordered and the girl did so, lifting her helmet with a sigh of relief.

“It won’t be that bad, I bet only Delta would even have a mind to make dolls of us,” she said with a deep exhale and Delta was over the moon that her innocent little missy was back. She wasn’t even blindfolded this time!

Yattina scoffed as she stood there in a blazing red, red suit, eyeing the suit with a deep interest as Kemy’s suit deflated slightly from the mist escaping.

“I’m more interested in seeing this so-called ‘Royal Process ‘. There is no documentation on the whole event despite it being a key event for this part of the world,” she gestured to a girl Delta didn’t know in a dark yellow suit, almost burnished gold.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this…” the girl muttered to herself and tried to pull her suit’s cape a little tighter to herself before she spoke up to Yattina, “I come in, I reach the bottom, I leave. It hardly requires a thesis to be constructed on the matter,” the girl said snootily and instantly Delta had a horrible sense of deja vu but she didn’t know why. The girl, from what she could detect, was the same age as Grim or Deo.

Delta turned and was blinded by a light of purity, healthy masculinity between males, and genuine good vibes. It seared her eyes and Delta was nearly taken out by it in a single blow.

Deo and some other boy made intense poses together, blue and black themed suits in enthusiastic stretches and dramatic cries, their forms in jolly cooperation as they poured their hearts into it.

“For justice!”

“For goodness!”

There were two of them.

They both high fived and their contact nearly made Delta implode at the sheer wavelengths that matched between the two boys seeds. It wasn’t a replica or even a copy but they simply existed together in a way two complimentary beats of a song did, enhancing each other beautifully.

Delta wanted them, she needed them, she had to have them-

“Deo, Mas, no touching or posing. You give out waves of emotion that make me want to skip or sing and that makes me want to vomit,” Grim warned, pulling the boys apart and Delta felt the feral urge settle down, leaving her bewildered.

“Why don’t you pose with me Grim?” Deo asked excitedly.

“I am posing, I’m posing as a horrible real reality that rains on your parade.” Grim reminded him and Deo looked thoughtful.

“If you can’t…that’s okay,” he said and Grim turned to him with shock.

“Did you just ‘doubt’? That’s not an emotion you possess!” he said and Delta was excited.

“Hello again.” Yattina whispered, her gifted eye seeing Delta hovering nearby but she purposely didn’t let the others know.

“What’s going on?” Delta spoke back and Yattina looked at her colorful team.

“Science and training myself not to weep when surrounded by teenagers,” she admitted.

Delta knew that feeling.

“Team, form up!” Grim announced and Yattina turned to him and they had a staring match.

“I regret giving up team leader power for extra looting right now,” he grunted and crossed his arms in annoyance.

“You regret it ‘now’,” the unnamed girl said with a shrug.

Something about her was irking Delta like a name she had forgotten or a face she knew but couldn’t place.

“Team, let us challenge the Dungeon so Serma Verluan can become queen or something, I wasn’t quite paying attention. Let us test these suits!” Yattina said, pointing dramatically forward.

Delta began to take in their ambient seeds and general skills with what she knew, leaving this Mas and Serma as unknown variables.

Her system hinted at a much higher difficulty run, but Delta decided to just nudge it up slightly. This was just good fun, right?

It was just her truth priestess with a questionable staff, the woman whose blood was more coffee than iron, a boy obsessed with winning, Deo, a boy with an eager attitude, Deo, a princess of all things, and Deo.

They began to take steps towards the donation tables and something deep orange clung to Serma’s back shivered and quivered.

—

On the Third Floor, Jellagon quivered and shivered

A challenger approaches.

His excitement made the entire dungeon rise in difficulty as a reaction.

—

Delta froze as something occurred to her.

Serma was a princess.

“Where’s Numb? Where’s Alpha?!” she cried out, eyes going wide with terror.

“Oh, she met Alpha. They get on… like a person on fire,” Yattina said when Delta asked and that helped one problem but not the other.

She sent an emergency goblin mission out to protect Numb from the approaching Princess.

Now Delta just had to-

“My tribute is my awesome homework that got passing marks!” Deo said and Mas beamed at him, the two shoulder to shoulder.

Need. She would have them. Her idiots! Contract idiots. Delta grunted and followed behind them with interest.